Do you ever wake up in the wrong mood but still have to go to work, be a mom, or in general just live life.   We all do some more than others.   Most of the time we don’t know why but wearing a mask just to cover up the depression, anxiety or bad mood is easier than facing our real emotions.  Growing up I always remember being such a nervous and anxious kid.  I developed anxiety early on.   School would make me nervous.  Being home would make me nervous.  Being at a friend’s house would make me nervous.  I don’t remember very may times feeling at ease or relaxed.  I learned early on I could put on an “I’m ok mask” and go about my day without dealing with my emotions.

I am now 28 years old, a mom of soon to be 3 and still deal with anxiety and depression.  Some days I wake up with anxiety for no reason.  But there has to be a reason why we wake up feeling that way right?  Most of us don’t even know why we feel that emotion of being nervous, depressed or stressed.  I am still learning what triggers mine and how to handle my emotions each day, naturally.  It can completely drowned you, hold you back from doing what you love, and being close to the people you love the most.  I have found ways to cope with mine naturally, over the last 3 years exercise, eating healthy, fueling my brain with positive, uplifting information and surrounding myself with a community of women who get me and my struggles.  It has completely transformed me from the inside out, most days I do great but there are those days I just can’t get away from it, and find it extremely hard talk to anyone about it without tearing up and crying over it.  You can’t talk to someone who doesn’t understand how you are feeling, they just don’t get it!   I just have to remind myself  that it’s perfectly ok to feel those emotions, and I just have to let it out.  We weren’t given a manual on life, and life is HARD!

I was never taught how to deal with my emotions growing up and now I am mom.  A mom of soon to be 3, 3 kids that need me as their mom to teach them everything they need to know about life and how hard life can get.  I never imagined becoming a mom in the circumstances that I did 8 years ago, it was the hardest and darkest of my life.  But it was a HUGE blessing in disguise.   That “mask” helped me through ALOT of hard days.  Now I am seeing myself in my 7 year old, he has anxiety too.  He has a hard time relaxing, and just putting his mind at ease that life is great.  He also struggles with loving himself they way he is, it breaks my heart to see him feeling exactly how I do and not know why he feels this way.  We are working through it together and taking it one day at a time.

I am a true believer that we go through hard times in life to make us stronger and give us a purpose to live.  It is crazy how we think we can’t survive something but down the road look back and say WOW I made it through and now I am a stronger person.   Mental illness is not addressed enough, from experience it’s sometimes easier to just to just wear the “mask” and pretend life is GREAT!  Holding those emotions back can do more harm than good.  Counseling does HELP, finding the right people to talk to as well helps too!  This isn’t an easy thing for anyone to talk about but I felt like I needed to share it with you.

Thanks for taking the time to read this and see a glimpse into my life.  I have more good days now that bad days but those bad days can be HELL!  Now that I am more aware of my emotions anxiety it showing up more often with this pregnancy but finding what helps me cope is important and I’ll keeping pushing through it.

XOXO Kylee